The Space Between the Things You Know is Blurry
by with-etoiles
Summary: Blaine's world is thrown for a loop when his girlfriend's, Quinn, bad boy brother confesses feelings he's had for him for a while. Blaine, being a junior, also has to deal with most everyone near and dear to him graduating.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Alright, so, there are lots of fandom tropes in this one, so let me list them all first. We've got Anderberry siblings (and I gave them both Blaine's homophobic dad, sorry, I just need to weave my blangst in there sometime!), Hummel + Fabray siblings (they've got Burt, because there's no possible way for me to take Burt out and give them horrible parents too, that'd be too cruel!), badboy!Kurt (this is Kurt's facade, he uses it as protection), and sadly, since this also deals with college, you should also know that I chose to keep Blaine a junior (junior gate, never forgive never forget!) And if you're still reading this massively long authors note, I'm very proud of this one, so I hope you give it a chance! Thank you in advance for all who read this.

Quinn walked in to the frozen yogurt shop, sweeping her eyes around the room until she spotted Blaine by the "cheesecake" flavor of yogurt.

He turned around and spotted her. "Quinn!"

"Hi, Blaine," she smiled as she walked up to him. He put down his cup and pecked her on the cheek, then held a spoon inches from her face.

"Try it, it is _amazing._"

"Does it have your saliva on it?"

"What?"

"Am I going to be licking off of a spoon that you've already licked?"

He smiled widely. "Like you would care, all those hours we spend spooning!"

A breathless laugh and a moment of stare down later, Quinn took the spoon and popped it into her mouth.

"Mm," she cooed. "You were right. This is _amazing_."

"Told you!" After paying, he grabbed her hand. "Now let's find a place to sit!"

She rolled her eyes, but grinned anyways as he led her to a vacant table in the back of the store. The TVs were back there, and Quinn watched as advertisements for the store flashed across their screens, all green and pink and bright.

Blaine handed her a spoon and swept his hand toward the yogurt. "And now, we shall feast."

"You are such an idiot," she murmured, but took the spoon and scooped a huge chunk of the yogurt out anyways.

"Mhm, but that's why you love me," he beamed back at her.

She froze.

"Er, I mean like. I mean like."

"No, Blaine, you don't have to apologize. I-"

"No. It's okay, really. I'm not going to put you in a situation to say anything until you're ready."

"I-"

"No, really." He took her spoon , scooped up a small bit, and fed it to her; she grinned around the spoon. "You don't have to say anything back. Just enjoy this wonderful yogurt I have gotten for the both of us."

"I don't need to be fed," she intoned ominously, but she could tell Blaine knew she was kidding.

"Oh, hey; look!" He pointed to a couple entering through the door, smiling in what seemed like such a private way at each other.

"How old do you think they are?" Quinn wondered out loud.

"College age, I guess?"

She frowned, which did not escape Blaine's attention.

"Listen, I know you don't want to, but-"

"we need to talk about this," she finished.

"Yes."

She struggled silently with herself for a few minutes.

"I am definitely not," she paused for a few more seconds, "looking forward to when I have to go."

"Yale, though, a school with such rich history… class… culture…"

"And a fantastic arts program for me," she finished. "But you know what I mean."

"This means a lot to you; you should be excited to go."

"Stop deflecting."

"No, I mean it! I want you to be happy when you go off to college, regardless of whether I stay behind or not."

"You mean when you do stay behind."

"Well, I mean, I could visit you up there sometimes, and you'll come to visit down here…"

"It's not the same."

"But we'll make it work."

Her face screwed up in a disbelieving expression.

"Blaine! How are you so calm about this?"

"What do you mean? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

For a minute, Blaine's expression almost stopped her in her tracks, but there was a fire rising within her that she had been withholding for so long, and she was sure she couldn't dilute it in time; not this time.

"What you're _supposed_ to do? What does that matter with anything?"

"You're not making any sense, Quinn."

"I don't want to see any of your diplomacy, or goodness, or peacekeeping. I don't want to see you try to comfort me."

"I'm not understand-"

"I am not the only one feeling this way."

"Feeling what? Angry? Upset?"

"Feeling like she's gonna screw this up."

"No, Quinn, I promise I can make long distance work!"

"But I don't know what I can do! I don't know if it's about long distance, or you, or Yale, or whatever. I just need to know that I'm not the only one feeling like something's wrong here!"

"You feel like something's wrong with me?" Blaine repeated quietly.

"No, no, no, Blaine, no."

Blaine was about to answer, but his blue expression was interrupted by the doors opening again. A boy with coiffed hair, pale skin, and a smart look about him walked in, carrying a cocky air with him. Boys and girls alike stared at him through their peripheral vision, stared at the way the stratums of dark clothes swiveled with his body. This didn't escape his notice, and Kurt jiggled briefly for their satisfaction before resuming heading towards Blaine and Quinn.

"I just walked into a shark tank, didn't I?"

When they didn't respond, he continued, "That's okay; I know how to deal with sharks, being one myself."

There was still no reaction, except for Blaine refocusing his eyes on him, suddenly interested.

Quinn noticed how his eyes flicked to Blaine's briefly before meeting hers.

"Just wanted to check in on the two _adorably sweet_ lovebirds and steal some yogurt before I got back to my friends; they're waiting for me outside."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Your friends? You're still hanging out with them?"

"Yes." He steeled a brief gaze on her. "They-"

"Are what?" Quinn retorted.

"-are none of your business," he finished lamely.

"Anyways," he scooped up some frozen yogurt and popped it into his mouth, "I'll be going now. Like I said, my friends await!"

He walked out to meet them, a group of rambunctious teenage boys with an overactive need to be popular and cool and the hit of the school, and they didn't stop at much to achieve that. Despite this, they were still the "wannabes" of the school, the ones Quinn use to spit on in her days of being a Cheerio. It didn't matter, they were the middle in the school's social ladder, just safe enough to get by with expressing some individuality, often with fear to back them up. Still, as Quinn looked on, she saw the way Kurt was slightly shying away from them, staying on the boundaries of the group, almost like he was on the outside looking in.

* * *

><p>Blaine could do nothing but stare as Quinn stared hard back at him, her usually beautifully contoured face harsh and unnaturally angled.<p>

"You don't belong here, Blaine. I don't belong here, with you."

What was a hopeful face turned sadistic in a minute's time.

"Oh honestly!" Quinn exclaimed. "Don't do that with your face! You _knew_ this was going to happen, we both knew! Things weren't meant to work out between us," she took a controlled breath, "never were."

The silence in the auditorium reverberated between them.

"I'm not giving up!" Blaine shouted as Quinn walked away. "Yale is nothing to me,_ nothing_!"

He sank down to the dirty auditorium floor.

"Nothing," he repeated quietly to himself.

* * *

><p>Blaine usually prided himself on being a pretty sane person, on being able to keep his anger under control. But this one, this hurt too much for him to simply <em>dismiss<em>. He took out a load on the punching bag in front of him, swinging dauntingly side to side. An upper cut. _College. What does that have to do with me? _A low swipe to the side. _I can do long distance._ A series of jabs, to the right, to the left, up, down, a constant stream of punching and grunting and releasing. _Long distance doesn't mean anything to me. I don't give a crap about Yale if it's going to do this to us. _

_Us._ What, all of a sudden, made a simple two letter word so spiteful? According to Quinn and Yale, there was no more _us_. Just Quinn going off to college and him staying behind in this stupid insignificant town.

"What is so bad about _trusting _me enough to go off to college and maintain a stupid fucking relationship?" he yelled at the bag.

"I'm taking from that that you and my sister have done the nasty," Kurt echoed from behind him, leaning against a locker. He was dressed fashionably in a menacingly innocent enough outfit (there were so many _layers_) but the look on his face was enough to contradict that. Blaine turned around, casting a malicious look in his direction.

"_What_ are you doing here?"

"Nothin' honey, nothing unless you want me to be doing something." He winked.

"Kurt, I'm not in the mood."

"Darlin', I'm not going away until either you force me or you explain why you were yelling to an inanimate object. Frustrations? Bad sex life? Do explain; I'm sitting in rapt attention."

Blaine sighed. "Fine. Quinn broke up with me."

Kurt cooed. "Ooh, bad luck. Care to explain why? College, I presume from your lurid rants to this poor punching bag."

"Yeah, Kurt. College. I'm sure you would know more about it than I currently do. Do I look like I know why the hell Yale is more important to her than I am?"

"Listen," Kurt shifted, began in a softer voice, "I know it's hard on you right now, but I'm sure you know how hard Quinn has been having it these past years. Yale, college, it's her beacon. She doesn't think she's strong enough to do this. And frankly," Kurt looked down at the grubby floor, an uncharacteristic flicker of sadness in his eyes, "she loves you. Enough to do this for you."

"Do what for me? What good does breaking up with me do?" He had a brief stream of thought in his mind that his guard should be up, or down, or he should be doing something differently, because Kurt was standing on the other side of the locker room, not even, in his usual style, verbally assaulting him or anything of the nature. His guard was down, and who knew how often _that_ would ever happen. He also knew he shouldn't be so angry, and that Kurt had just said Quinn loved him, but the pain was still too… recent? Painful? Raw? for him to push aside just yet.

"Listen, Blaine Anderson. I love ya, I do, and good_ Lord _do you have a fantastic booty and that should make up for anything and everything, but she's still my sister. She's fucking broken, my goodness, can't you see that?" He looked up to see Blaine's reaction.

After a while of staring, almost right through him, he continued. "She doesn't think she can maintain a long distance relationship. She thinks as soon as she waltzes away you're going to find someone better, or she's not going to be there enough and be a terrible girlfriend, which would hold you back. She's terrified, to be honest-"

"-and she doesn't think her heart can take that," Blaine finished.

"And bingo was his name-o," he replied lazily, studying his fingers. Blaine had never noticed before, but Kurt did that a lot around him, actually.

Blaine stared at Kurt, suddenly noticing the startling pop of his blue eyes. _How did I never notice that before? All those times I was at Quinn's house? When he was lurking in the hallways, came up to me to start conversation? They're so __**blue**__. It's a shame he isn't in Glee Club with us… he'd fit in…_

Kurt looked up to see Blaine quietly observing him. He cast a bright smile at him. "Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to be going. Toodaloo, Blaine Anderson."

Halfway out the door he turned around, fixing another penetrating gaze on him. Blaine thought it had almost a sad look to it. "Give it time."

His slim figure disappeared from the locker room.

* * *

><p>Quinn scrolled through the contacts on her phone. She needed to talk to someone about this.<p>

_Brittany._ No good. As much as she loved Brittany, Kurt was right when he had said that the reality of her world was no more than the square root of four being rainbows and unicorns prancing around the place like they were all in some kind of castle floating in the sky.

_Mercedes._ Quinn didn't feel as close to Mercedes as she did before, which she pondered sadly for a minute for moving on.

_Rachel._ Rachel? Her thumb hovered over her name for a few seconds. They were kind of friends now anyways… No. She couldn't. Rachel was Blaine's sister, she'd just rage at her over the phone about breaking Blaine's heart.

_Santana._ That was no good either; she'd just end up giving her "Santana's Sex Tips 101: How to Win Back Your Man with Three Easy Moves".

She scrolled through the list, becoming increasingly and increasingly frustrated as black blocked letters flew past her vision, all useless and not as close as they should be to her. She never realized how easily she perfected the art of pushing people away, not until she really needed them and she didn't feel like any of them were there.

She flung her finger up in a frustrated motion, watched the letters blur in a race to get back to the top. It was only until she saw a name that actually might work that she stopped it. _Kurt._

Truth was, she and Kurt did not always see eye to eye. Where he was leering and obvious, she tried to be understated and subtle. Not that she really was. Blaine had always said that's what he loved about her, that getting to know her was like peeling back the layers of a personality built for war, and that he felt like he actually, genuinely _knew _her.

She and Kurt had a relationship a lot like her war personality, understated and deadly. If they teamed up, they could take you down faster than you could beg for mercy. Not that she wanted to take Blaine down… she just wanted someone to talk to, someone that might understand her confliction.

Kurt was out and proud, and Quinn thought that, probably, the reason he styled his personality to be so abrasive was so that, instead of his body being abraded, he could throw up a broken, tough shield, and that had to be better than the alternative of a broken but tough body. She didn't even want to think about what would happen to Kurt at this school if he were soft… fearful… Perhaps that's why he kept his style so openly fashionable, something most guys would be afraid to do… his body was like his only unguarded temple. Even if her brother seemed the opposite way, she was sure he didn't throw his body around like he didn't matter.

She shuddered. She remembered when their father gave them that atrociously awkward sex talk… _Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. You matter._ To be honest, the only thing that mattered to Quinn in that moment was to get out of that stuffy room. And to think that she had ended up getting herself pregnant soon after… the disappointment in her dad's eyes… She did acknowledge that she was unnaturally blessed to have had him as father during the whole crisis, though. He was there for her when she needed, and Kurt had been surprisingly tender throughout the whole ordeal, something she really kind of missed right now.

She'd made a speech like this to Kurt once, cautioning him to be careful with himself in the least awkward way she could've. She knocked twice on his door, the door flung open, and then perched herself on his bed in quite the same spot she was before when she had given him that speech.

He was digging through his closet, muttering something about a pair of jeans that were "harder to find than a needle in a bitch of a haystack".

"Kurt!"

He turned around.

"Listen, can you spare some time? I really need to talk to you."

"What's up, sis?" He took a chair near his laptop and sat, cross-legged. "Break up got you down?"

"Wha- what- how did you know?"

"I saw dear Blaine in the locker room today, punching out his frustrations. He's really upset," he implored, pouting his lips mockingly.

Quinn's eyes widened for a second. "Wait. What? No. Kurt. Stop. I need you to be serious."

His face slowly lapsed. Quinn could see an echo of Kurt's former self through the pure porcelain features, the quiet affection in his eyes.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I'm… confused."

He nodded, urging her on.

"I know why I told myself I broke up with him… but truth be told, I don't exactly know why I did."

"Why'd you tell him you broke up with him?"

"I said that we," she gulped, "don't belong together."

"And you obviously don't believe that."

"No."

"I also said," she continued, "that we both knew that this was going to happen sooner or later."

"You don't believe that either."

"Nope." She popped the last part of the word.

"I can tell."

"Ho-"

"-Because, your eyes. They do say eyes are the gateway to the soul, you know." He inclined his head towards her, his face scrunching up and a smile appearing.

"I love your scrunchy smiles," she stated after a breathless laugh.

"Why thank you _Miss_ Quinn." Another smile.

His face suddenly shifted again, becoming serious. He exhaled and they just sat there for a few beats.

"I told him in the locker room…"

She stared, wide eyed again.

"… that I knew the reason you broke up with him."

Now she exhaled.

"I hope you don't mind me extrapolating," he added after a small silence.

"No," she breathed on another laugh. "I'd like to hear your psychoanalysis of me. It's kinda the reason I came to talk to you."

He obliged her with a small smile.

"I said," he started, "that you were… having a tough time. And to put it lightly… that you didn't think you could handle if you disappointed him in a long distance relationship."

Quinn was slowly piecing this information together with her feelings when Kurt spoke again.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked quietly.

_Not cautiously_, she noticed. _Just quietly._

"Do you think you… love him?"

"Yes." She was kind of shocked how quickly it came when it happened, but once it was out of her mouth it just felt_ right_. She was unsure why it was so easy to admit this to Kurt, especially when she had such a hard time spitting it out of her mouth in the yogurt shop, but she couldn't shake how accurate it actually felt when it came out.

He grinned. "Then you need to tell him that."

She slowly started nodding. "Yeah. I need to tell him that."

"Now go on, big girl, get outta my room and get to talking to Blaine!" He pushed her out while laughing.

She was almost out of the room when she turned around.

"Thanks Kurt."

"No problem."

When she was out of the room, Kurt collapsed back into his chair and frowned.

_She loved him. He loved her. _That was a simple enough equation to solve. So why was it that he, someone who could easily put himself into and out of equations so easily; he flexed his pinkie and looked doefully at it; as easily as flexing his pinky, just like that, was never involved in them?

* * *

><p>Kurt walked down the hallway, smiling satisfactorily as people shrunk in their tracks at the sight of him. He laughed, high and spiteful, pulling out a bottle of water and chugging it, then brought it down from his lips and pursed them, wet, succulent.<p>

His favorite part of assuming this persona was that he was allowed to be so much more reckless than he normally would've. He wouldn't go so far as to say he pulled people over and had his way with them, but with the littlest hint of consent he did; he _made_ them want him, and then pulled away at the last second. Every time people asked why he never went for the gold he always had some readymade excuse, but if he was being truthful with himself, he didn't actually want to. His body was… his body. He flaunted it and offered it to other people's bodies but he never actually gave it to them, because there was something about his body that was special. Maybe offering it up to other people and being extraordinarily crude kept him out of trouble. He could keep doing that, fine. But if anyone ever made him go through with all of this, he didn't know if he actually could… and then, once the defenses had fallen, what could he do? What could he do to protect himself then?

As he made his way towards English, he noticed Quinn, staring intently at some boy in front of her by the lockers. As he made his way closer, he noticed it was Blaine.

Blaine looked nice today, with his striped bowtie, suspenders, and ill-fitted shirt (but in the best fucking way possible; Kurt was positive he could see his abs breaking through screaming _lick me, lick me!_). But his hair was messy , either like Quinn had been ruffling it or Blaine had been doing so himself. Kurt couldn't help but want to himself…

This wasn't the first time Kurt had felt this way about Blaine, actually. Since Quinn had been dating Blaine, he'd been seeing a lot of him at their house. Matter of factly, Kurt had already picked up on a lot of Blaine's nuances, just in those windows of times when Blaine was waiting for Quinn to come out from her room. Like how Blaine kind of curled up into himself, how he took long pauses when talking, how he sort of stood ramrod straight, as if to hold himself up under the weight of whatever was inside his head…

Now Blaine was shutting his locker and walking away, eyes shining faintly. Kurt felt his muscles pulling towards him, his shoes clicking on the floor… No. He was Quinn's brother and McKinley's resident bad boy, not a stupid love-struck teenager. He saved that shit for weaker people.

Quinn looked a little shaken up as he walked past, but as he caught her eye she simply shook her head. He kept walking.

* * *

><p>Blaine walked into his house later that day, calling around to see if anyone was there. His dad was in the study, answering with a "yes" before the house lapsed back into silence.<p>

Blaine wondered briefly where Rachel was before he walked up to his room, opening the door quietly. He gingerly smoothed a spot on his bed. He sat down and put his head in his hands.


	2. Chapter 2

When Kurt walked into his house, he was greeted by a tinkling, breathy laugh. Quinn sat on the couch, the quiet din of the TV behind them, and a smiling face dangerously close and getting dangerously closer to the quarterback of the football team, Finn Hudson. He walked right past as their faces connected, the air teeming with weighted silence, and repressed an urge to catcall at them. Walking up to Quinn's room, he scanned his eyes around it. Her phone was perched on her bed, almost falling off. He bit his lip, looking over his shoulder for a few small seconds, and then swiped it off the edge.

His thumb stayed suspended over the little black name on her phone, quivering with effort. Not with strain, no; it was quivering as Kurt tried to force himself to put the phone down and walk out of her room, even though he was so close to just letting it fall on the name, calling, hearing a voice… It was like earlier in the hallway. His muscles were guiding him through doing something before his brain could catch up, something he wouldn't normally do.

In an instant his finger fell. Dial tones filled Quinn's room; there was more soft laughter downstairs.

"Quinn?" Blaine asked tentatively. _His voice sounded scratchy_.

"No. Anderson, it's Kurt."

"Kurt!" his voice rose, but he quickly lowered it and sounded like he shifted, if the rustle of his sheets were any indication. "Kurt, what are you doing?"

Kurt turned his back to the door and huddled into a corner of the room. "Listen, I just wanted to warn you before you walk into school tomorrow and see Quinn on Finn's arm and have a mental breakdown in public."

There was a sharp intake of breath over the phone. "_What?_"

"She reboun- she's seeing Finn again. Sorry."

"I… I actually don't understand… I don't… what?"

Kurt laughed sharply. "Normally I would enjoy your confusion, but I feel _pity_ for you, so I'm going to help you out." He winked, and then realized that Blaine could not actually see him and flushed, bright red.

He heard him sigh over the phone. "Alright. I'm just not… I can't believe I told her that… and she has every right to..."

"What did she say to you this morning?"

"She said that she loved me," Blaine said, smiling too as Kurt reckoned.

"And you said?"

There was a brief pause. "I told her I loved her back."

His mind froze for a second, almost subconsciously, before he could respond. "You're lying."

"Hm?"

"I saw you guys talking in the hallway. Besides, Quinn is not downstairs macking on Finn for nothing."

"What?" he asked with a sad puppy dog lilt in his voice. _Damn you Blaine, you're adorable and heartbreaking at the same time._

"Nothing. What did you really say?"

A couple of seconds of breathing passed between them. "No, I really mean it when I say I love her. Still. I still do, and I told her that. But, I didn't… I couldn't… I couldn't jump back into it like that, especially because of the way she broke up with me, seemingly out of the blue. That actually hurt, and it was my first breakup so I took it extra hard."

He should've been angry. He knew it the minute he heard Blaine start his spiel. Yet, he wasn't feeling any ire. He just felt… sad.

"Kurt? You still there?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"But I don't understand, why are you feeling sorry for me?" Blaine sounded a little desperate. "Why are you even talking to me like this? Why is your guard down? I'm the one who broke your sister's heart, why are you not raging at me over the phone?"

"First of all, _stop with the questions_. All your questions will be answered soon enough." Blaine laughed.

"Second, if I'm being truthful-"

"-the one time it happens." Blaine cut in, with a remark that should be spiteful, but his voice was soft and glowy as he said it.

Kurt laughed softly. "You've pegged me well. But as I was saying, if I'm being truthful-"

"What? What would you say if you're being truthful, Kurt?" Quinn's shrill voice rang through the silence.

_Shit. _He had forgotten all about Quinn's presence downstairs as he had talked to Blaine. He had also forgotten, as he was reminded of by Quinn clutching his hand in hers, of Finn's presence downstairs and now right here. Frankly, he looked like the last place he wanted to be right now was there.

"You were talking to Blaine just then, weren't you?" she continued.

"Sorry dude, Quinn wanted to come up to see if she had some movie in her room that we could watch, cuz' TV is being boring."

"When did you even come in? What do you think you are doing?" Quinn demanded.

"Sorry, dude," Finn began again, "I don't know what's going on between you two right now, but sorry." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Shut up, Finn." She turned back to Kurt. "Kurt, answer me."

Kurt threw her her phone. "Here's your phone back."

"Blaine?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah, it's me." His voice came through muffled and tinny compared to the rising voices in the room already.

"Kurt! I can't believe you'd do this! You're the one who told me to tell him, and look what happened! He broke my heart!"

"Whoa, what's happening?" Finn queried, but no one was listening to him.

"I seem to recall you broke his heart first," Kurt retorted, drawling.

"_What?_ Is this about Blaine? Is he still on the phone?" Finn took the phone from where it had fallen and cradled it to his ear.

"Blaine? Dude, Blaine, do you have any idea what's going on right now?"

"I. Was. Confused." Quinn punctuated.

"Oh yeah? And how much more confused do you think Blaine was?"

"_Why_ are you defending him? I'm your sister!"

"Yeah well, it seems like you just broke his heart for no reason in the first place, anyways."

"Hey, Blaine, I'm getting scared," Finn, who had now retreated to a corner of the room, whispered into the phone.

"No, I didn't! I told you why I said that; I explained everything to you! I am a mess. I don't know what I'm doing. Didn't you understand that?"

"Yeah I did, but I also _understood _that he kinda is too!"

"And how would you know that?" she asked shortly.

"I see things, Quinn! Things I actually don't know if you saw! I learned more about him, while pretending not to, I might add, in those moments while he was waiting for you than I think you did!"

The room fell silent. Kurt hesitated, breathing loudly, but pressed on.

"I don't actually know much about your relationship, I admit. I also admit that I was a little angry that _you_ had him, that anyone had him, and that you, Miss Gorgeous, could get straight Blaine in the blink of an eye but _I_ did not have a chance in hell."

"I'm also aware that he hates me, and that I'm definitely not his type, not with all my overtly sexual behavior and his sweet Mr. Fucking Perfect demeanor."

Quinn opened her mouth, but Kurt silenced her by raising a finger.

"I am also, painfully I might add, aware of how perfect you guys really are together. Your personalities kind of go together like bees and honey. But, that didn't stop me from wanting. What stopped me from getting, aside from you and Blaine being in a happy relationship, was that I wasn't willing to… willing to… let my guard down." Kurt exhaled loudly, dropping his head.

"So Blaine," he raised his voice, "if you're still on the line over there… yes. I am talking to you because I'm finally attempting to get you to know me and, God forbid, like me for me. But I've always known that wasn't really going to happen… even if you're single and available and _so fuckable-_"

"Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed from the phone.

Quinn and Finn were just there with their mouths open.

"-but you are most definitely straight, and although Quinn has moved on with lovely Finn here-"

Finn looked around them, perturbed.

"-you're everyone else's but mine. So, good day Blaine, Quinn, and Finn. Blaine, you can continue with your normal life and Quinn and Finn, you can continue with your date like I never screwed it up. I think I'm going to head out to… somewhere. Goodbye."

He walked out of the room, grabbing his car keys off the table in the hallway and left.

* * *

><p>"Quinn! Quinn, hey!" Finn exclaimed, trying to get her attention as she angrily paced the room. "I don't know all the details of what just happened, but why in the hell didn't you tell me you still loved him?"<p>

"Yeah, that's a great date conversation starter," she muttered under her breath.

"It's _important._"

"And you know what else is important? That you are cheating on your girlfriend."

Finn had thrown the phone on Quinn's bed without hanging up.

* * *

><p>While Blaine had been talking to Kurt, Rachel had arrived home. Blaine had heard her practicing scales as she made herself a cup of tea, for her vocal chords, as she would say.<p>

After making herself the cup, she said hello to her dad (who had given her a hearty hello in return and then asked about Finn), then made her way up to Blaine's room to greet her little brother. She had arrived to find him engrossed in a conversation with some other boy on the other end of the line.

"Blaine, what are you doing?" she asked in an urgent whisper.

He just shook his head and shooed her off, but Rachel wasn't about to miss out on whoever her brother was talking to so dreamily.

"You've got such a school boy crush, Blaine," she whispered to him as he continued talking.

That statement stopped him dead in his tracks. _A crush… on Kurt? Quinn's brother Kurt? On another boy… Kurt. Kurt?_

He had been too stunned to react as the fight broke out on the other side of the phone.

Voices escalated and rang through Blaine's silent room, Blaine still sitting there and listening stoically as Rachel took the phone and cradled it closer to her ear.

Kurt was speaking to Blaine now, wasn't he? Through his haze he heard his name, it sounded strangely melodic. He was sure this wasn't real… he didn't have a crush on Kurt… on his former girlfriend's brother… Kurt was definitely speaking to him now. His voice sounded really high, too high, too cherub like to be real. This definitely wasn't real, because now Kurt was confessing that he was trying to get to know Blaine better. Blaine… getting to know Blaine… like anyone wanted to get to know Blaine… Kurt… Kurt and Blaine… but Blaine and Quinn… but then again, the possibility of Blaine and Kurt…

Suddenly, beside him, Rachel dropped the phone, like it was scalding to the touch. She stared with her mouth open, like the cold metal suddenly had a soul and was living and breathing without a heart. Blaine didn't know what was going on, but something was gravely wrong now, because Rachel's eyes were starting to tear up… Wait, hadn't Finn been saying something as the argument went on? Finn's voice… _I'm scared_… _Dude, Blaine, do you have idea what's happening right now?_... Quinn said something about Finn... _And you know what else is important? That you are cheating on your girlfriend!_

_That you are cheating on your girlfriend._

_Oh._


	3. Chapter 3

_This was the same yogurt shop Blaine and Quinn were in_, Kurt thought rather benevolently for his situation.

He grabbed a large cup and filled it with strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate yogurt. _Neapolitan_, he thought sadly_, Nea, neo, new. New things. Change._

It really wasn't that bad of a situation, he told himself. Sure, Blaine was straight, Quinn was furious and probably ready to disown him, and he had to deal with the implications of letting himself harbor this stupid crush. _A crush, what even? I don't have crushes. Or fall in love._

And now he was probably also going to have to deal with the fallout of his reputation too. He confessed his damn feelings for Blaine, and now he was going to be expected to carry them out, or at least try. If he kept this bottled up he could probably keep this entire persona he had created completely intact, but he had gone and spewed them out, and now he had no choice but to talk to Blaine about it, and if in some chance in dear God's heaven he had any hint of reciprocation Kurt would be forced to do something about it. Which would mean letting him know the real him. Which would mean deconstructing his bad boy reputation. Which then meant danger.

He was so stupidly gay, he thought bitterly. _If I wasn't gay, I wouldn't have to have put on this show, wouldn't have had to hide myself from the world, wouldn't have to worry about any repercussions, because there wouldn't be any._

And, let's say he humored himself and let himself believe Blaine could ever like him back. That meant Blaine would have to weigh him against coming out, if he had been using his sister as a beard, which it sure didn't look like. But he couldn't help himself from hoping… just like he had any other time he had had a crush on a straight guy… couldn't keep himself from hoping that maybe Blaine really was gay… maybe Blaine could be his first "love" to mean something to him. He had plenty of boys at his fingertips, really, plenty he could manipulate and use to null the pain if he wanted to, his reputation could get him that, but he suddenly didn't want to do that anymore. Suddenly this entire thing was looking even more thoughtless and idiotic.

* * *

><p>Blaine's head felt like static.<p>

His thoughts swam around in his mind, flopping and thrashing the insides of his skull in a desperate attempt to get out. He sipped his coffee quietly, studying the old couple at the table in front of him. They looked _comfortable_. They looked comfortable and calm and not at all like the storm raging in his head. He wondered if he could ever be like that in a relationship one day.

Which brought him back to his current situation.

What exactly was Kurt? He figured that was a good place to start. Kurt was abrasive. He was lewd and blunt and totally not his type because he was overly sensual and brash and rude. But his rudeness was something that he felt a little at home with. He was used to it in the weird way that he was used to Rachel being loud and obnoxious and self-serving, but in the best way possible.

What was Quinn? Their relationship had been something seemingly out of the fairytales, Charming and Snow White frolicking out into the sunset with their arms slung around each other and a laugh bubbling from their lips. Quinn used to talk about how she wondered what happened after the big happily ever after, if it really was happily ever after anyways. What if someone came to seek vengeance on Snow White and Charming? What if Cinderella had stepped on something sharp the day the Prince came around, so she couldn't have participated in the shoe fittings? What if Belle's love suddenly changed back into beast?

And really, Blaine thought, their relationship was far from perfect. Quinn had a wall that was near impossible to take down, and sure, their relationship had _felt_ like they were in love, and he had firmly believed that until a few days ago, but who was he to know what love was anyways? He thought he was in love with her. Was he?

How could he go from thinking he was in love with Quinn, to liking boys? He couldn't quite trace that turn of events either. What was it about Kurt… what was it about his skin, face, smile, laugh, everything that was so authentically the annoying but intriguing Kurt he had come to know, that appealed to him? How did he know if this was love, or anything of that sort?

_It was the all boys boarding school_, he joked to himself.

What would he have done if Kurt had shown up last year in Dalton Academy, stripped of his fashionable defenses and nothing but himself? Would Blaine had seen him differently then? Did it even matter, really?

Blaine felt exhausted. Really, really, mentally exhausted, and it was all because of Kurt. To come to think of it, it was always because of Kurt.

* * *

><p>"But Blaine, I never, ever, thought he would cheat on me! I was almost 100% positive; I trusted him! I gave him my heart and he just smashed it to smithereens."<p>

Blaine stroked her hair. "Rach, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

"What did he think he was doing? Am I not interesting enough? Compelling enough? Pretty enough? I'm not pretty like Quinn, I know."

"Shhh," Blaine shushed her. "You are just as pretty, and are even prettier even, than Quinn."

"Oh wait," she stiffened under his mechanical stroking, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to mention her; you're still getting over her, I know and I'm stupid to mention her; I'm so sorry."

"But I just know that's the reason! It has to be! I know I can be a pretty horrible person-"

"-You're a great person," Blaine interrupted.

"-but I… who am I kidding, I don't really deserve him, maybe it's best that he cheated on me. I can write plenty of songs about this that will one day turn into multi-platinum best selling hits and albums and then I will become famous, famous enough that I will have a fan base to which I can dictate my story of lost love and heartbreak, but ultimately how I overcame the situation and how they can too; they have the ingenious Rachel gold star of approval that it's possible if only you reach for your dreams..."

He laughed.

"Oh, Rach, I know I should hate you because you're my older sister and you should be the epitome of the devil incarnate sent to torture me on Earth-"

"-How do you know I'm not a fallen angel?" She winked.

"Very funny, Rachel. But as I was attempting to say, I don't. And I will definitely be the first one to stand in line at fan meet n' greets and hand you a picture of yourself posing against a bright background with a huge gold star behind you for you to sign."

"And I will be the first in line to get my baby brother's autograph when he becomes the music industry's new rising star."

"Baby brother, Rachel? Really?"

"Oh, you know it's true; you have the personality of a six year old high on candy canes and lollipops."

"I," he paused, "can't deny that."

"Exactly. And tell you, what Mr. Blainers-"

"-Rachel."

"-I am going to help you with Kurt."

"… Kurt?"

"Stop acting like you aren't totally in love with him, Blaine."

"… I can't deny that I don't think about him often…"

"What is your plan?"

"Plan? Rachel, why would I have a plan? I'm still trying to figure out what this even really is!"

"It's a crush, Blaine. Say it with me, _a crush_."

"Are you not the least perturbed with my sudden fascination with boys, at all?"

"You're confused," Rachel nodded emphatically.

"Of course I am! How does this even happen? Especially to someone like me, who had this all figured out?"

She started nodding more vigorously. "It's denial, that's my official diagnosis."

"Denial of what?"

"Look, Blaine, I love you and all, but I saw this coming a long time ago. And don't get me wrong I completely support you if you decide you aren't in love with Kurt-"

"-in love? Who's talking about love?"

"-but there was definitely something there between you guys, even if you didn't know it. And if you're struggling to come out, it's okay, I'm here to help you."

"But why didn't I know? Did everyone else look at me and think, gay?"

"No, Blaine, of course not! In fact, I know you had to fend off several suitors while you were dating Quinn." She winked.

"Wait. Tell me what you saw between me and Kurt."

"You always pull the _I'm extremely annoyed but I have to put up with you because you are my girlfriend's brother and please do not scar me or my innocence_ face whenever he's around, but your eyes always say something different."

"You know," she continued a few moments later, "the eyes are supposedly the gateway to the soul."

* * *

><p>"Rachel, why are you here?"<p>

"I need to talk to you," Rachel started quietly, taking in Quinn in the stage lights, at the piano.

"You know, looking at you up there, it's almost like you belong there. You deserve a spotlight once in a while."

"And I repeat, Rachel, why are you here?"

She sighed. "I am probably going to get punched for bringing this up, but… Blaine."

Quinn's face hardened.

"What about him?"

"I just need to ask you something. Do you… do you notice…. how confused he's been lately?"

"I'm not dating him anymore, Rachel."

"I know; you're dating Finn."

The echo from her foot stamping on the stage echoed through the silence. She listened to the sound quietly for a moment before walking off the stage and towards Rachel.

"Rachel, if you came here to demean me for taking your boyfriend, you might as well leave now, because I am not going to listen to a word you say."

She looked down at the ground. "No, I didn't come here to talk about that. I just need to know that you still care about him. You do, right?"

"Of course I do."

"Then you care about his happiness? Even if it's not with you?"

"Ye-Yes. Of course."

"Could you say hi to Kurt for me? Ask him how he's feeling right now?"

"Sure, but why…?"

"Because Kurt and Blaine both have really confusing feelings right now and don't know how to deal with them. We're their sisters, we need to help them!"

"And why would I do anything for you or Blaine? He broke my heart."

She laughed, like it was so obvious.

"Quinn. Quinn, you're beautiful. I know people probably tell you that a lot, but not just in how you look, in how you are. Someday you're going to find the one. I don't know who it is yet, but maybe he's just not here in this petty town. But I do know he's out there somewhere, and you're definitely going to find him. Don't give up hope yet, Quinn."

"Thanks, Rachel," she said, for once feeling sincere about it. She swung herself back up on the stage and took a seat, rocking her legs back and forth.

"No problem. I mean it."


	4. Chapter 4

Quinn walked back into the hallways to find Finn leaning against the lockers, staring directly at her. Students streamed past, a living, breathing barrier between her and Finn. Should she go confront him? Hash through the issues she created? She knew he deserved an explanation, but she was afraid, so afraid, that she would bend back to his will, that she would bend to the fire within her, that loneliness that caused her to do these stupid things. She wanted to be strong, she wanted to go up to him and explain that she didn't need him, not as someone to take the edge off or as someone to ease the pain. He deserved that much of an explanation, right?

But she didn't want to break the respiring wall between them, blurring in front of her, filling her eyes with whiplash. They were all moving, always moving on, forward. Here she was standing on the other side, a distinct _other_ from this crowd of _we. _With Finn, she's sure she could rejoin that hustling mass. But that would mean sacrificing some type of confidence, some dignity, to get there. Did she really want to do that again? She was finally heading off to college this year; she was becoming a woman. Did she really want to revert to her girlish ways? The days of harmless flirting and crushes were over, even the days of teenage "love" were over. Blaine was… a love, yes, but not _the_ love. She knew that if she went back to Finn, here, now, she would bend; it wasn't a matter of guess, it was a matter of principle.

She found her hands pushing through the crowd.

But in the nick of time, a body bumped into her.

"Quinn?"

Quinn exhaled. "Kurt, I have never been more happy to see you ever!"

He laughed. "Honey, you don't want my ass in your business; I've already screwed up so much of it."

"That's right, you have, and now you're gonna screw it up even more."

"Meaning?"

"Come with me." She pulled him into an abandoned classroom, never looking back over her shoulder at the boy frowning on the other side.

"You," she closed the door and spread her arms across it, "are going to talk to me, and you can't get out of it."

"Quinn, I'm down with a lot of things, but incest is not one of them."

"Cut the crap, Kurt."

"Good Quinn here is cursing now, hm? I must stay to hear what she is so passionate about."

"You."

"Again, there are security cameras all over the school, if you do anything you will be caught."

"First off," she began, ignoring him, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I acted earlier when I caught you talking to Blaine."

"And I'm sorry," Kurt continued, "for talking to him in the first place."

"I'm actually… _weird_ with that."

"Weird? With what?"

"It's so hard accepting your apology…" she whispered. "I know you mean it…"

"Of course I mean it, Quinn."

"Yeah, I know, I know. It's just, I, I know I'm just being stupid and jealous, and that's the only reason I'm not okay with an apology."

Kurt's mouth opened imperceptibly and he walked closer.

"And what do you have to be jealous about?" he enunciated, a word with every step.

She moved to perch herself on a desk.

"I know how you feel about Blaine, Kurt; of course I do! Even more than what you were saying before when Finn was there. You're just confused."

"Why would I be confused? What do you peg me for, a helpless lamb waiting to be led to slaughter? Like I can't do anything for myself?"

"If we're being honest here, you _are_ lost. You've been lost, ever since you threw on that ridiculous bad boy act and acted like you were the hottest piece of action at this school."

"I'm. Not. Confused. I am perfectly capable of determining and deciding which feelings to act on that I have."

"You aren't confused about your feelings for Blaine, no; I'm not being silly in that respect. That doesn't change the fact that you're confused, though."

"Pray tell, Quinn, do tell about what?" he asked spitefully.

"This is not _you. _I know you. I've known you. You are the sweet boy with the porcelain features. You are the boy with a troubled past but an open heart. You are the boy that didn't let any of this crap get to you, yet here you are standing in front of me, an example of just how crap can get to you. I didn't think that was you."

Kurt steeled his jaw. "And what does this have to do with Blaine?"

"Do you not realize that this little act of yours is probably what's keeping him from you?"

"No," he straightened his back, "what's keeping me from him is that _he is straight. _He is probably still in love with you, a gorgeous _girl, _and I am just a boy who is trying too hard to keep himself out of trouble."

"Just be yourself," Quinn said, her voice cracking slightly. "That's why I love you, when you're yourself you're the most compassionate and the strongest person I have ever met. I'm sure he'll think the same thing if you let him."

There was silence for a few moments.

"You're thinking that if he's really gay than he was using me as a beard, right?"

His head hung down with his laugh. "You always know what I'm thinking, Quinn."

"Who knows, maybe he was. I don't think he was. But I do know that now he isn't so sure about things anymore, and you certainly have a chance if you could just let yourself."

"How do you know?"

Quinn thought that Kurt looked vulnerable, something that took her in shock. She wasn't used to that, but there was a morbid joy in his sadness. It felt clean.

"Because I know you, and I know Blaine, and I know that you two would be amazing together."

"And you wouldn't care?"

"Not a single bit!" she exclaimed, smiling encouragingly.

"You're amazing Quinn."

"I try." She flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"No, really, thank you."

She got up and smoothed her skirt, leveling her gaze back to Kurt.

"I just want my brother back. Plus, I figured it's time I start pulling weight in this relationship."

Kurt squealed. "Awwwww, c'mere!" he said, running the length between them and flinging his arms around her.

"It's nice to have you back," she whispered, snuggled in his arms.

* * *

><p>Kurt's reflection stared sound at him as he stood, criminally easy to criticize.<p>

This was it. He was going to Blaine; he was going to bare his heart out and finally be vulnerable for once in his life to get something he wanted. The safety? Gone. The smooth talk? Gone. The sexual innuendo? Gone. He was going to shed all of his disguises and let Blaine see a genuine, true, Kurt.

He never thought it would be this hard. He startled slightly at the way his eyes roamed across his body, the mirror dappling shiny specks of light across it. He didn't like the way he had styled his hair; it was fringed and messy and dusted across his forehead, not at all the way he wanted it to be. It looked unsophisticated, and he would much rather style it upwards to keep it out of his face and keep it stylishly locked in place. He didn't like the way his face set, the way a sneer was almost imminent upon his lips. He didn't like the way his eyes were a dark, shady cobalt, the way secrets were hidden in them that he knew he couldn't possibly keep. He knew his eyes could be a brilliant blue when clear and untroubled.

The quiet in his room was wickedly palpable as he stared himself down. He started to sing to himself quietly.

"_Someone told me long ago _

_There's a calm before the storm" _

The screen of his phone jolted to life.

"_I know _

_It's been coming for some time"_

The text read: "Meet Blaine at the Lima Bean—Quinn"

"_When it's over so they say _

_It'll rain on a sunny day"_

Another text pinged into his inbox.

"_Shining down like water"_

"Go! I'm rooting for you!—Quinn"

"_I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?"_

He walked out to his car.

"_I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?"_

He turned on the ignition.

"_Coming down on a sunny day"_

"Yeah, well," he said quietly to himself, the engine humming quietly in the background, "it's not going to rain today."

* * *

><p>Blaine sat at an empty table in the back, going at his cup every few minutes, but mostly strumming his fingers nervously on the table. Quinn had sent him a text that she would be meeting him here in a few minutes. Broken phrases of apologies and defiant accusations all blurred through his mind, and then her face kept popping up to break the constant stream, except, Blaine noticed, it didn't feel the same as when it would before.<p>

The doors at the front opened and a tall figure, shrouded in sunlight, made its way through the small crowd.

Was it Quinn? The person looked a little leaner…

But then his eyes refocused to the darker lighting inside the Lima Bean, and his mouth fell open. It was Kurt, dressed so softly Blaine wasn't sure that this wasn't a hallucination induced by bad coffee or something equally as ridiculous.

"Kurt! What are you doing here?"

"You can relax," he joked, "I don't bite."

Blaine watched as he fluidly slid into a seat, attempting to focus his wide eyes on him, but after a moment of struggle focusing them on the table. He seemed to be looking through it, almost.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, I thought Qu-"

"-Look," he cut in anxiously, "I need to say this and I'm terrified that if I don't get it all out now I won't be able to." Blaine also noticed his leg rattling up and down beneath the table.

"I am," his eyes fluttered shut, "here to show you something. I am going to show you what I'm really like, because I think you deserve it, especially since I've acted so horribly towards you."

Steadying breaths punctuated his speech. "You know me as Kurt, Quinn's annoying and coarse brother, who I'm sure you think you're forced to put up with. But that's," his blue eyes shocked open, "not exactly true."

"I'm sure you're wondering why I said what I did to you over the phone when I did, and then ignored you. Make no mistake, it was all true, and I wouldn't take back a single word. I just want you to know that I still mean it. I still want you to know me, I want you to be with me."

"Ku-"

"-I know you're straight, Blaine, and I'm not exactly sure why I'm telling you this, because my track history with love is unbelievably horrendous, even for someone like me. But there's something about you, Blaine, something about you that doesn't make me want to give up again."

"I'm not the bad boy you know me to be. Inside, I'm just as a hopeless romantic, as I'm sure you were with Quinn. I'm sorry for not being myself sooner, I know I should've and I could've avoided all of this… well, whatever all of this is. But I promise I will be now. I'll surrender my defenses… if you let me."

"Defenses?" Blaine asked, a small voice in the world of useless static conversations around them.

Kurt continued on stronger at Blaine's small sign of approval.

"As you know, I'm the only out and proud gay kid at our school. Which _would_ mean horrendous bullying, had I not done this with myself." He hovered a hand across the length of chest.

"Being as I was, I didn't exactly rocket to popularity, but I did keep myself out of trouble. I was _just_ bad enough that I could intimidate the lower orders in the hallway, but I also knew to reign myself in around the higher orders in the hierarchy."

A look of such eagerness crossed his face that Blaine couldn't help but smile encouragingly.

"You understand that right? You understand me?"

"I'm not even lying when I say I completely do, Kurt. I've screwed up too; I know how it's like and how it feels ."

"You understand… the desperation… the need…"

"All too well."

Kurt cautiously brought his hand onto the table top, sliding it closer.

"Do you… what do you say to it?"

Kurt's widespread eyes gave Blaine the courage to speak. He simply stared right into them, throwing his soul into them and hoping they'd respond nicely enough.

"I am… confused. About what exactly's going on in my life, what exactly I think I'm doing, but, if there's one thing I do know, it's that you've been the constant throughout it. So, for a lack of a better word… _yes_. I feel the same way."

Blaine didn't know it was possible for a person's eyes to look like they were so breathless. Kurt looked hesitant for a second, but before he could stop himself he slid his hand the rest of the length between them, tentatively taking a hold on Blaine's. It felt cold, but in a nice way.

"I'll keep my promise," Blaine heard Kurt saying, but it was barely audible above the chaotic harmony in his head.

* * *

><p>Everything about school was new. Everything was suddenly livelier and perkier and so much happier all of a sudden. If someone shot him an offensive look, he smiled and waved because, what was the harm in it all really? If someone bumped into him, well, he apologized to<em> them<em> because they were clearly just having a bad day and not thinking about where they were going. Everything was going fantastically for him. Really, what could go wrong? He had freaking _Kurt_ to call his own, someone who he actually felt like he had a real bond with, so how could things get any better? He wasn't sure they could. But, as he saw Kurt strut down the hallway, that sentiment changed.

He had expected some kind of change, honestly. He had expected Kurt to start dressing as he had yesterday in the Lima Bean, soft and sweet and nice. But here he was, dressing in the same damn black clothes that were, even if extensively more stylish than another guy would afford himself the luxury, foreboding and just a little bit discouraging for Blaine. He was supposed to stop this half concocted bad boy act and be himself again, right?

"Kurt!" Blaine fell in step beside him.

He cast a disdainful look at him, then turned away again.

"Kurt, what are you doing?"

"Look, _Blainers_, I couldn't do it."

"You couldn't… you couldn't… but I-"

"-you thought I could. Well, that's great for you, seriously, whoop de freaking doo, but not for me."

"But don't you want to sort this all out?"

" 'Course I do, sweetie, but not at the expense of my safety. I've been doing this for a couple of years now, I think I can keep it up for a few more months before I go off to college."

"Where are you even planning on going to college?" Blaine was exasperated, so fully unsuspecting of this that he was at a loss of words. _I should've known_, he thought angrily to himself.

"I don't know, why the hell do I care? Quinn may be setting her hopes on Yale to get her out of this fucked up town, with the performing arts as her savior, but I can't do that. Sure, I'd love to join Glee Club with you guys and sing and dance until I'm blue in the face, but guess what? That'd bring even more hell down on me than I've already created for myself."

"I just… I don't understand…"

"Look," he lowered his voice, "I still mean everything I said yesterday. I just… _can't_."

"No, I understand… not good enough," Blaine mumbled.

"No, don't ever think that, I just can't do-"

"No, I said I understand. Goodbye, Kurt."

Blaine fell back into the mass of traversing students; soon Kurt's face was masked by rushing backs.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is the last part! I hope you all enjoy it.

Kurt had gotten cold feet. He stood, back in his room, re-examining himself in the damn mirror, feeling exactly as he had felt before he had gone to talk to Blaine. Stupid. Anxious. Like he wasn't good enough.

And really, here he had gone given Blaine fucking hope, like he could afford any of his dwindling supply, and then snatched it away the next day. But he couldn't make himself drive up the courage again, he just couldn't. He was just so scared.

He stared scared for the next few months.

* * *

><p>Throughout these months, Blaine grew sadder. He figured he should be dating some other girls or something to take away the pain, but he couldn't make himself do that. After his realization about Kurt, he didn't really think he was capable of dating anyone else, boy or girl.<p>

God… he made it sound like he was in love with him. That was a useless feeling. Blaine was used to being in love with people who didn't love him back… but he wasn't used to actually thinking they might, for just a second, a split second, and then having his hopes come crashing down again because, oh, it's all exactly like it was before.

And now Blaine had to deal with his dad, who wasn't exactly the best homosexual sympathizer in the world. His dad wasn't so fond of him either… even when he was dating Quinn… those years before that, where it had been a tossup, when his dad was always tracking his progress, whether or not he had a date. Had he shown signs that his dad just wanted to ignore? How would he react when Blaine came out? Blaine knew he loved Kurt now, that evening in the Lima Bean proved it. He had to come out.

So, Blaine went to the only person that knew he was out that he was currently comfortable talking to, Rachel.

Walking into her room was such an explosion of pink that he was momentarily taken aback, like his eyes needed time to adjust to it.

"Rachel… I need your help."

She looked up from her laptop.

"I… I think I need to come out."

She put her laptop aside and stood up.

"How can I help you, Blaine?"

"Can you just… I know dad's not going to take it well… and I don't know how mom's going to take it either… I just need you to be there with me when I do. Please don't leave me alone here."

"Oh, Blaine." She pulled him into a tight hug. "I won't, I'll be there with you."

"Thank you, Rachel," he replied; his voice sounding like it would be overcome by tears in any moment.

* * *

><p>After Blaine left her room, Rachel went straight to work. Coming out wasn't going to be easy for Blaine, and it was going to be even harder now that the reason that he was coming out was currently steadily ignoring him like he was Medusa herself.<p>

She called up Quinn, asking to speak to Kurt, and to her surprise, Quinn obliged speedily and put him on the line.

"Hello, who is this?"

"Rachel."

"Rachel? Rachel Quinn's friend? Rachel in Glee Club?"

"This is her in the… well, not flesh, but voice."

"What do you want, Rachel? I barely know you."

"You know Blaine."

The line went silent for a few moments.

"No, wait, please don't hang up!" she said urgently.

"Why? Are you here to lecture me about him? About how I broke his heart, like some kind of heartless asshole?"

"Well, I most certainly could, and the way you're acting right now I really should…"

"-get to the point."

"-but no. Rather, I'm here to beg you to reconsider."

"So basically, lecturing."

"Have you thought about where you want to go to college, Kurt?"

"Why do I need to?"

"Do you like performing?"

"Rachel, I'm not going to join your stupid Glee Club, if that's what you want."

"No, I just want to know. You want to get out of this town, right? Like everyone else here?"

"Yes…"

"You could go to New York. Where they're more accepting. You know," she started singing," _concrete jungle where things are made of, there's nothing you can't do, now you're in New York."_

"_The streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you," _Kurt continued, snapping off quietly with a laugh.

"You're really an amazing singer," Rachel said.

"But New York?" Kurt continued. "You have my attention."

"I'm applying to NYADA, the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. Even if you don't want to apply there, there are plenty of other schools in New York where you could go, for the performing arts or otherwise."

"Do you think I could, though? I haven't been in Glee Club, I have no credentials."

"There's still time left, you know. Maybe not this year, but you could always go to community college and get experience there before you set your sights on NYADA or any other school in New York. Or, you don't even have to major in the performing arts. You could still go to New York to pursue a liberal arts education, there are plenty of amazing ones there."

"Do you really think so?"

"Absolutely."

Kurt paused for a few moments, formulating the sneaky suspicions in his head into coherent sentences.

"…This was all to tell me that I have a future, wasn't it? To tell me not to waste my life here doing what I've been doing?"

She laughed.

"Partially, yes. I called because I just wanted you to know that Blaine's planning to come out to our parents soon, and I think we both know it's not going to go so well. He's doing it for you, you know. If he wasn't so sure about you he wouldn't be doing this."

"Sure about me?"

"Are you sure about him?"

"What?"

"Do you think you could love him?"

"Love him…" Kurt repeated softly to himself. "I think I just might… hmmm… love him…"

"Then go tell him that," Rachel told him firmly. "And mean it this time."

She hung up, and Kurt handed Quinn her phone back.

_This is all eerily similar to when I told Quinn to tell Blaine she loved him_, he thought curiously._ And even though it was rocky at first, good things seemed to have come out of that…_

* * *

><p>So, Kurt, wasting no time, took to his car again with determination in what had to be the millionth time in this short period of time when all this stuff with Blaine started happening, and drove. Quinn had given him the address to Blaine's house, so before he could tell himself not to do it, he drove. And drove. And kept driving until his hands weren't shaking anymore, until his head was clear.<p>

Quickly walking up to the door, he rang the doorbell once and dropped his arms to his sides. He fervently prayed Blaine wouldn't open the door, because he wasn't exactly sure he could do this first thing. Thankfully, it was Rachel's smiling face that greeted him.

"I see you took my advice to heart," she said smugly, not even attempting to hide her brilliant grin.

"I need to talk to Blaine," he said, trying desperately to calm his nerves.

"Come up to his room," she told him, and she led the way. Kurt vaguely noticed through his anxiety that the house was big and full of grandeur, expensive things and pieces that looked like they were trying too hard to be sentimental.

"Blaineeee," Rachel cooed as they got closer to his room, "someone has something to say to you!"

"God, Rachel, what are you doing?" Kurt hissed at her.

Blaine came out, rubbing his eyes quickly. _Oh shit, he was crying. What did I do?_

"Rachel, I'm really not in the mood for visit-oh." He stopped dead in his tracks, staring opaquely at Kurt.

Kurt willed his eyes to stay on Blaine, even though the thing he most desperately wanted to do was avert them anywhere else, literally anywhere except the dazzling jade of Blaine's eyes, the dazzling tone of it being a little too sad for his tastes right now.

"Kurt has something to say," she repeated, fixing a firm gaze on Kurt.

"Yeah, I guess I do," he replied absentmindedly. "First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry. Again. I know you're probably not going to believe me."

Blaine simply nodded.

"And… and well… I guess I didn't say this at the Lima Bean… but…"

Rachel squeezed his shoulder gently; it was a comforting sense he wasn't used to feeling.

"But I love you," he blurted out, finally ripping his eyes away from Blaine's. He waited uncomfortably in the silence for a few moments, and as Blaine was about to speak again, he cut him off.

"I'm sorry about it, I'm so sorry. I know I've created nothing but problems in your life, and then I promised I would stop, and then I did again, but the truth is, I can't seem to get out of your life, no matter how hard I try to. And I'm graduating this year, going off to college," Blaine smiled at him when he said college, "and now you're forced into coming out because of a person that's going to be off, thousands of miles away from you, and I can't help you with it. So I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. But I love you, and I've tried changing that but I couldn't. I…" he sighed, his momentum slowing down, "I love you."

Beside him Rachel squeezed his shoulder again, but Kurt that was only a peripheral thought in Kurt's mind. He was looking at Blaine, who was looking back at him, and all of a sudden it was like they were back in the days when they were both confused and scared, and then even further back to when they had first met each other, a long time ago in elementary school, and none of this had mattered or would ever matter. Then it was like he was back in the Lima Bean, trying to confess to Blaine his love but failing, all the wrong words coming out of his mouth. He could feel Blaine's fingers underneath his, then intertwined with his, and then the peaceful serenity of them staying like that, just looking at each other with their fingers intertwined and the hope of tomorrow fresh on their chests. And then, finally, he felt the phantom of Blaine's embrace, settling itself all around him, running circles through his veins, until he realized it was real, and Blaine was pressed against his chest and whispering into his ear over and over again, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

And then they wove their fingers together once again, except this time it felt like a solid thing they could trust, and with Rachel at their side and a phantom of Quinn's presence with them too, they marched down to face Blaine's dad.


End file.
